Buying erotic art

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Buying a nude or erotic painting raises questions that buying a landscape never does. Not just what it costs and whether it is any good, but whether it is the sort of thing you can own without explaining yourself. These are the questions people actually ask me before they buy, each answered in full.

Four checks before you buy anywhere

This category has more print farms in it than most, because the images are easy to source and the buyers are often reluctant to ask questions. Four checks, none of which take long.

• Is there a named maker with a place? A studio has an address, a body of work and a person who answers email. Willem van der Krieken paints in Boekel, Noord-Brabant. A shopfront with no maker behind it is a warehouse.
• Does the listing say what the object is? “Original”, “print”, “edition” and “reproduction” are precise words and a serious seller uses them precisely. Here the originals are described as originals and the prints as prints, with the edition size stated.
• Is the same image available in fifteen sizes? That is the signature of print-on-demand. An oil painting has one size, because it is an object rather than a file. What you can actually see in a listing photograph is set out in is it really hand-painted?
• Does the seller explain shipping and returns before you ask? Everything here ships insured from the Netherlands, and catalogue works can be returned within 14 days of receipt, in their original packaging, with any loss in value deducted from the refund.

What changes when there is no gallery in between — including the one thing you give up — is in buying art direct from the artist.

Before you buy

• Erotic art or pornography? Where the line actually sits — the distinction is not about how much skin is visible, and once you see where it really sits, most of the awkwardness goes away.
• Who actually buys erotic art? — the honest answer, which is a good deal less exotic than people expect.

What it costs, and what it keeps

• What an original erotic oil painting costs, and why — each canvas carries its own price, and here is the whole range with what does and does not move it.
• Affordable original erotic art under €1000 — what a budget of €250, €500 or €750 actually reaches.
• Does erotic art hold its value? — what determines value, and why nobody selling art can tell you what it will be worth later.
• What a certificate of authenticity is, and what it is not — documentation rather than a valuation, and worth exactly what the signer is worth.

Buying it for, or with, someone else

• Erotic art as a gift: how not to get it wrong — the two questions that decide it, and the safer version if you cannot answer both.
• Choosing erotic art together with your partner — separate the room from the picture, and the argument mostly goes away.

Where to buy

• Where to buy erotic art online without ending up on a print farm — how to tell a working studio from a warehouse that prints anything on demand.
• The twenty-three paintings in the series — the originals themselves, oil on stretched canvas, one of each.
• Signed prints from €35 — for when an original is out of reach right now.
• What happens after you click buy — payment, packing, delivery, and what to do if it is not right.

After you decide

• How your painting is packed and shipped — what the box looks like and what is written on it.
• Frequently asked questions about buying, framing and shipping — the short version of everything on this page.

Once it is yours

• Living with the work — walls, rooms, heights and sizes.

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